I would think of a woman’s body as a battle ground you know, but it’s not only her body, it’s her identity and her dignity. Writing this week’s column, I thought about what makes a female a woman. I realize how many times I hear that word ‘…like a woman’. It’s either talk like a woman, sit like a woman, behave like a woman, dress like a woman… On and on it goes. I began reflecting through my first paragraph;
‘Woman! Thou art only a ribbon taken from a man’s chest. Your worth is in your dowry, your honour is in your virginity, your pride is making a man’s tummy quit rumbling with your sweet meal, and it is in sexually massaging his ego by giving freely of yourself. Your respect is in being called a wife. That is the story of your life and so has it been.’
To be a woman, you have to become an appendage to a man; this has been the predictions of our literatures from the times Things fell apart through to the days of the Lion and the Jewel. Even the Gods are not to blame for this as men alone told the stories. And what do you expect if our husband has gone mad again? He will write in a language of patriarchy, painting the world only in the colours of black or white. There is never a grey colour in between or any other colour.
This remains a burning issue in international development; gender equality! It has become an analytical category for virtually every development activity. We have made a gender case for domestic violence, for agriculture, for health and every other constraints of progressive development around the world. I know many development practitioners like Gloria Steinem, are feminist. They hope for a future where everyone’s individuality and dynamism has expression without discouraging the balance of human right. Thus we continue to appreciate studies that explore the constructions of femininity and masculinity to know precisely where to focus our interventions and alter some undesirable realities in our society.
In trying to bridge the gaps between fiction and development on the issue of gender constructions, I took a look at how femininity has been modelled in our works of fiction. Works of our renowned authors Ola Rotimi, Chinua Achebe, Wole Soyinka amongst others were explored. In their books grown women carried the pot on their heads as Obiageli in ‘Things fall apart’, twisted and untwisted their waist with the smoothness of water snake like Sadiku in ‘The lion and the jewel’, competed and fought their sisters to own the man and capture his straying affection like Lizzy and Sikira of ‘our Husband has gone mad again’. Indeed, women in the era of these works were presented as having small brains, as tools of reproduction, they were possessions of a man, bought and sold by men, promoting polygamy, caressing the man’s ego and enhancing his social status. The characters of Sidi, Sadiku and Ailatu, showed that women helped men build their world. They were defined according to their responsive roles to a man and their domestic diligence. These women were always docile; rarely did they show excitement or speak from their depth to the audience in a voice that conflicts the constructions of femininity portrayed above. I have wondered why there was no woman that sometimes felt like screaming, that told her husband when she did or didn’t want sex. Was there none that sincerely got tired of her marriage sometimes? How about sharing pain and the joys of motherhood? Then I remembered that when men tell the story alone, history is altered.
Flora Nwapa’s ‘Efuru’ came into the literary stage capturing an exact voice for women, be it when they spoke of love, malice or anger. Then Buchi Emecheta was like a breath of fresh air. She brought to the scene a new model of femininity presenting women whose destination was Biafra, who could tell ‘the joy of motherhood’, who shared the pain in being ‘second class citizens’, who were working hard to sustain themselves even though it meant increasing the value of the bride price. Feminine models who questioned conventions burst the scenes. ‘God when will you create a woman who will be fulfilled in herself, a full human being, not anybody’s appendage?’ Nnu Ego cries out. Emecheta’s belief in individuality of human beings showed in her feminist view that laces all her work.
Reading through some of them three decades after they were published, it echoes strongly the thoughts of more women in this generation than in the era it was written. I am tempted to say that most of Emecheta and Nwapa’s works were forecasting and portraying different models of femininity in the future. It is a future where most women like ‘Amaka’ in One is not Enough will express their frustrations and speak out precisely for what they want. ‘… I don’t want to be a wife anymore, a mistress yes, with a lover, yes of course, but not a wife. There is something in that word that does not suit me. As a wife, am never free. I am a shadow of myself. As a wife, am almost impotent. I am in prison, unable to advance in body and soul… I don’t want to go back to my ‘wifely’ days. No, I am through with husbands. I said farewell to husbands the first day I came to Lagos.’
But how have these models impacted the world of today’s woman? Does Buchi Emecheta’s work represent a certain calibre of women while the depictions of the male authors represent another? Do we have an eclectic combination of the above models in today’s woman? The latter may be the case as our women still set very high premium on children even where they reject the roofs of patriarchy looming over the marriage institution. Like Debbie, many are tired of playing the prescribed wifely role but may play it until they know the joy of motherhood. While morality hangs on conventions of the femininity of the past, it is not seen as a strong driving force for the choices that women make today. Motherhood remains a drive in the definitions and identities women give to them self. It creates the space they need to live a fulfilled life and often their agency is expressed strongly through it. Hence being a wife is still important and honourable but is less honourable than being a mother. That seems like the story of today’s woman.
It’s amazing how two roles a person plays can strongly define the dignity of an identity. In Flora Nwapa’s character ‘Efuru’, we see how all of her success collapses under the weight of not being a wife or a mother according to a divine order. While being a wife and a mother is a role females can choose to play, it has strongly defined the identity of every female making them worthy or unworthy. I would begin to wonder how happy a female can ever be if she were none, can she just be a woman without being a mother or a wife or does it make her less human? This is the burden of identity women carry through their lives as they live in societies that hold the values that the authors have portrayed in the literatures above. Maybe one radical act a female may adopt, is to claim ownership of her body and her identity, but it seems we were groomed from the cradle not to.
-Written by Adaobi Nkeokelonye
Mary Okeke reviews
aren’t you referring to Amaka here in “One is Enough” by Flora Nwapa unless Buchi Emecheta told exactly the same story in Destination Biafra 13 years later.
“I don’t want to be a wife anymore, a mistress yes, with a lover, yes of course, but not a wife. There is something in that word that does not suit me. As a wife, am never free. I am a shadow of myself. As a wife, am almost impotent. I am in prison, unable to advance in body and soul… I don’t want to go back to my ‘wifely’ days. No, I am through with husbands. I said farewell to husbands the first day I came to Lagos.’”
Dear Mary, thank you for noting this. I have updated it. You are our Goddess of African Novels as I said earlier….Thanks again
I wonder if we shall ever come to anything until we become somebody’s wife? 🙂 I think that women are certainly typecast, more by women than men. We are arguably our own worst enemy and enablers of the old order. It would be interesting to look further into the variations and nuances of Achebe’s women, Emecheta’s women and say…Chimamanda’s women? Lovely post!
Dear Anne, Chimamanda belongs to our generation. I thought we should seek the solution from the root, hence I started with the fathers and Mothers of African Literature. You are right, Betty Friedman once asked ‘Who Knows what Women can be when they are finally free to become themselves?’. You are thinking in that line too. Thanks
‘Woman! Thou art only a ribbon taken from a man’s chest. Your worth is in your dowry, your honour is in your virginity, your
pride is making a man’s tummy quit rumbling with your sweet meal, and it is in sexually massaging his ego by giving freely of
yourself. Your respect is in being called a wife. That is the story of your life and so has it been.’
I think it’s the story of a typical African woman. But time is changing… Just look around you and you will be amazed at how things are changing. But My question remains… is it for good or bad?
Dear Francesca, things are changing quite well, but lets not be carried away by the changes we see in the city. The greater population of African women may still be trapped in the rural area. This is to say that their life remains a reflection of your quote above. They suffer from poor identity and are listed amongst those who suffer time poverty.
Hey Ada! Good write-up, Africans take a woman for granted, though as a mother and a wife, She multitasks! A man naturally cannot do so many works at a time. Please Our men, treat women with love and real care, They make the home.
Thanks Nneka, †he power remains with women to get more informed and choose a better life than †he one that is given to them. Hope you keep reading.
Hey Ada! Your write-up is so interesting and I enjoyed it.Men should give adequate respect to their wives! Is only women that can multitask, and still be happy. African men should know that our women are not slaves, they should show them love and women submit to our men.
Very interesting write Ada,,capturing a perfect picture of a typical African woman! I would strongly advocate for African women to define who there are by themselves and actively work towards it. We all want to be a certain “Unique African woman” but the fear of stepping into that world,takes away the zeal ! Yes we can! Its a woman’s world!
Thanks JOi! It looks hards but Ɣes we can!
Women are home makers,they are the neck of a man because without the neck the head cannot stand firm so women should be treated with respect and be taken care of properly
Dear Matilda, thanks for contributing. Please keep reading!
Hey,i belive if a woman can learn to be independent,especially financially,she will be much more appreciated and respected.Kudos to the African woman.
I agree with you Ayo; perhaps the beginning of true independence is financial freedom.